My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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