i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
