Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is Oprah even human
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
