just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
