this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
