i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
