can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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