Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ketchup is God's man juice
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
