I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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