The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
