You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
