i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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