She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love having hate sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Found the puke drawer
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
