and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
