I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
