Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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