Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
