I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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