Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
