I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
