what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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