he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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