He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
