i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
