I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
