Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
