dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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