you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You are the jesus of drinking
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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