I just cut my nipple shaving
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
