Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
