You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
