Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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