she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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