There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize