Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
