DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Randomize
