I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
