My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
