i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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