Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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