im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
