It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
