Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
