i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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