Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
