We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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