He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
