was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize