Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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