I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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