youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
