it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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