honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we're making bets on your personal life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
