i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
