I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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