I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
