did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
