Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize