people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
