he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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