Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
