doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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