ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
where are my eyebrows?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
