You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
