I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
