I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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