I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
