Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
