Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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