i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
