i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
