You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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