My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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