i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
barbara walters just said penis...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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