You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
