Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
