how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
