Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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