I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's blow job season.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
