u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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