FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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