So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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