So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
