So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
