So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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