My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
