Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
