Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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