I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
