i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
