Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I didn't notice because vodka
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize
