How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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