one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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