Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
