And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
