Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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